Toxic relationships can be a source of trauma for some, and when you lose the ability to connect with your nervous system you can almost guarantee you’re in an unhealthy relationship. Other than physical violence and abuse, there are sometimes smaller things to pay attention to for toxic relationships. Most people only look for the huge signs that you’re in a toxic relationship and forget that the small tell-tale signs slowly build up over time. In Toxic relationships, the importance is in paying attention to the details, as you may not notice the signs at first, but you may not recognize yourself in the end.
Toxic relationships can be healed, but it’s worth asking the question, “At what cost will it be to you?” If your partner actively wants to change, then I would suggest getting the help of a couples therapist who can help you to identify and reconstruct your patterns of interaction. Criticism, resentment, and contempt are often already at play within toxic relationships. Learning how to do things differently and how to relate differently can change and heal the wounds both partners have experienced in the relationship. The most important part of healing from a toxic relationship is that both partners want to make the change.
You’re Stuck in a Toxic Relationship If…
If you feel like you can no longer identify yourself in the relationship, it may be worth taking some time to do some healing for yourself in order to rediscover what makes you whole, and that may include taking a step back or ending the relationship altogether. Dependency in a relationship can be healthy if it’s done in a way where each partner still maintains their own separate identity, but consciously works at putting as much into the relationship as possible. At times, leaning on your partner and being vulnerable can deepen the relationship, but becoming dependent on them to define you or limiting who you connect with because of their anxiety is dangerous territory.
Listening to your intuition when you are with your partner is a key component to being able to know what level of healing can be accomplished. If you are highly anxious around your partner, it may be telling you that the relationship is unhealthy. Same with jealousy, if you are often trying to skirt around criticism, you don’t feel like you are supported by your partner, if you see controlling behaviors, if you have patterns of disrespect showing up in your day-to-day interactions or if there is dishonesty taking place you’re in a toxic relationship.