By admin 
Self-advocacy can be difficult, especially for neurodivergent individuals who have learned to mask their needs. But Noelle emphasizes that understanding yourself is the first step to helping your partner understand you. “Oftentimes, we need to understand ourselves before we can be understood by others. That can require some deep reflection on what feels good for you, as well as what does not,” she explains.
She suggests asking yourself:
-
What kind of sensations do you prefer during intimacy?
-
Are there fantasies you’d like to explore with your partner?
-
What barriers to intimacy exist (e.g., tiredness, lack of privacy, anxiety, etc.)?
-
Are there any explicit boundaries you’d like to set before engaging with a partner sexually?
When discussing these needs with a partner, Noelle urges both parties to approach the conversation with curiosity rather than judgment. “You don’t need to yuck each other’s yums—it’s alright to have different preferences. You can work together to agree upon what would be mutually pleasurable and enjoyable,” she says.
Using Routines, Rituals, and Nonverbal Communication to Strengthen Intimacy
Establishing rituals around intimacy can help neurodivergent individuals transition into a sexual mindset. “Routines and rituals can be incredibly helpful in transitioning from non-intimate to intimate or erotic time with a partner,” Noelle says. These can include simple activities like lighting candles, playing specific music, or taking a shower together—small signals that shift the brain into intimacy mode.
For partners who struggle with verbal communication, nonverbal cues and technology can be helpful tools. However, Noelle stresses the importance of clarity: “If partners are utilizing non-verbal cues to enhance their sexual connection, it’s important to be explicitly on the same page about what each cue is signifying.” This includes communicating during sex, either verbally or non-verbally!
Apps like Pillow Play, Paired, and Coral can also help neurodivergent couples explore their sexual connection in a low-pressure way. “Technology may also be helpful for neurodivergent couples who find verbal communication to be uncomfortable,” Noelle suggests.